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Why It's So Hard To Make Changes In Your Life

Published on: December 2 2022 by Tatiana James

Why It's So Hard To Make Changes In Your Life

Why It's So Hard To Make Changes In Your Life

hey everyone i'm tatiana and today i
want to tok with you about
why it's so difficult to make the
changes
that we want to make in our lives why
it's so difficult to
achieve the goals that we set for
ourselves
to build the business that we've been
wanting to build for so many years
or to lose the weight that we've been
trying to lose
for so long why is it so difficult why
does it have to be such a challenge
and i know this can be very frustrating
because
we make one step forward in progress
with our good intentions
but then we notike we make two steps
backwards
and we have nobody else to blame but
ourselves
and it's very frustrating because we go
to war with ourselves
we fight with ourselves between what we
want to do what our intentions are
versus what we actually do the actions
that we take
and it's frustrating because we don't
understand why
we are self-sabotaging we don't
understand why we're making it harder on
ourselves to
achieve the things that we want to
achieve in life we want to make progress
we want to grow
we want to become more but
it just doesn't seem to happen it
becomes so
challenging that we oftentimes give up
so
what i'm going to share with you is not
conventional by any stretch of the
imagination
but i think it's very important
and i think it will strike a chord with
you because
when the truth is spoken the soul
relates the soul understands it even if
the mind doesn't
so i could um you know share with you a
lot of surface level stuff about why
it's so hard to make the changes that we
want to make in our lives
but i wanted to go deeper with this and
kind of get to the root
source of it all so in order to get
started uh we need to tok about ego
now you know most of us
have a very surface level understanding
about ego
we think ego is just you know someone
being
inflated or egotistikal or absorbed with
themselves
uh we'll label certain people when we
when we we notike that
but ego is there's far more to ego than
that
it is extremely there's so much
depth to it and everyone has ego
it's not something that's turned on and
turned off
for most of us at least everyone has ego
except maybe a very small percentage of
the population
like buddhist monks or zen masters or
people who are actively
dissolving their egos but for most of us
we all have ego and what ego is
is whatever you identify with it's the i
that you think you are it's the identity
of whatever you identify with your
emotions
your beliefs your thoughts whatever you
think your reality is
it's whatever you hold as an identity
that is part of your ego
and the ego is developed from you know
the day that you're born until now
every life experience that you have uh
helps to
build on your ego and
you know ego creates separation
because when you have an identity you
know what you
are and you know what you are not i
am this i am not that i'm tatiana
i i'm not the table i'm not that person
i'm not the flower
i'm not black i'm not blonde i'm not
this i'm not i know what i am and i know
what i'm not so it creates separation
and you know ego is is
part of ego creation is actually part of
the survival mind the reason we have ego
a lot of it
is part of survival and um
because it helps you to survive when you
are able to identify with that
there is a survival mechanism built in
but you have to also understand that
your mind
is 2 million years old and your mind
doesn't care
about what makes you happy or joyful
or have fun and achieve success in your
life it doesn't care about any of that
all it cares about is survival and so
ego is a part of that mechanism
ego really cares about self-preservation
and this is what we need to understand
is that when we have an identity
ego wants to preserve that identity
so there's kind of a hemiostasis
mechanism built into ego
where for example you know if you know
biology you know that the human body
if you're healthy likes to maintain a
temperature of about
98.6 degrees fahrenheit
so if you get really hot then your
body's going to try and regulate that to
cool you down
right or if you get really cold then
your blood is going to
be flowing away from the extremities
and going to be flowing where it is
needed most
those important organs to protect them
and it's going to try and maintain
uh to increase the warmth in the body
so it's trying to maintain hemiostasis
and it's no different than the
thermostat in your house right
if you set it to a partikular
temperature then if it goes
lower than that then or if it goes
higher than that then it's going to turn
on the ac
so it's going to try and maintain the
temperature that you set it
so ego is the same thing so whatever
you're identifying with
it wants to hold on to that identity so
it's very important to understand that
because what happens when you challenge
that identity
what happens when you want to create
some changes in your life
anything that is going to challenge that
ego
to challenge that identity is
threatening because
it could lead to the destruction of the
ego it could lead to the destruction of
that identity
that you've been holding on to for so
many years
okay and ego so ego doesn't like that
ego doesn't like challenge
um it wants to maintain what is
so let's just do an example here i
learned by examples if
for you know your whole life you've been
overweight
um and maybe you know it started at a
young age
because maybe you were bullied in school
or you didn't have
a good home life and you turn to food
for comfort and certainty and so food
and eating has been a huge part of your
life it's been a part of your identity
being overweight has been a part of your
identity for 10
20 years 30 years so now when you're
trying to go on a diet
what are you trying to do well you've
got to change your behavior you've got
to change what you've been doing you've
got to
take a new approach and those changes
are threatening that previous identity
because ultimately when you go on a diet
what are you trying to do you're trying
to lose weight
trying to become thinner right so
you are trying to
become something else you are trying to
uh
dissolve that previous identity to grow
into something new
and ego doesn't like that so then what
happens when you go on a diet you start
you know maybe the first few days you're
doing good first week for two weeks
you're doing good you've got motivation
you've got tools and resources you've
set yourself up for success
but then ego starts to creep in because
ego all of a sudden is feeling
threatened and ego doesn't like that
and ego starts to say well
we got to make sure that she doesn't
change we got to make sure that she's
not going to
uh you know change forever so then all
of a sudden you have this like
hunger craving or this temptation you go
you know wake up at 12 in the morning or
go downstairs to the freezer and get a
bowl of ice cream
you have the strong desire to to
break the diet or all of a sudden you
start feeling very
emotional and that those emotions
trigger
uh eating for comfort to help comfort
you
during the time of distress uh so all of
a sudden it kind of takes over you
it takes over your body your your
feelings your emotions
and kind of you go into a trance an ego
has now
taken the reins ego has taken over
because it did not like the direction
that you were heading
because where you were heading you would
have been dissolving that previous
identity of being overweight
and it doesn't like that so it doesn't
like when you make significant changes
in your life i'm not toking about like
dyeing your hair
that doesn't matter i'm toking about
things that will affect you on an
existential level
so real things like you know building
your business is an example for you guys
because
you know if you've been at a job for the
last
10 20 years been working a nine to five
and that's who you
are that's who you've been that's the
life that you've been living
uh then to build your own business and
become an entrepreneur
is is ex it's a huge shift
and it changes your identity it changes
a part of the identity that you once
were
and so the ego can start to pop up
and so the key is to bring awareness to
that
is to see that hey is this of my higher
self
or is this of my ego so you might start
to
experience um you know maybe like doubt
you know you start to doubt things you
start to become very skeptikal
you start to over evaluate things and
and that's a hindrance that's the ego
showing up trying to
insert that doubt so that you don't
make the changes that you are on track
to make
so i hope this makes sense for you i'm
going to give you an example when i was
at
my biocybernaut training in arizona
where i did neurofeedback training
it's a very intense process you spend 14
hours a day
training your brain and you know
ultimately
it's all leading to you raising your
consciousness
and so on day two i think i was sitting
in the chamber it's pitch black
and uh all of a sudden i had this like
extreme
pain in my back it was on my left side
it was between my shoulder blade
and it wasn't just like a muscle pain or
a tightness it was like a sharp pain
and it was so uncomfortable that i was
very distracted
i was no longer able to be internal
and focus on the internal world i was so
distracted with the
external environment my back so
throughout the entire session i wasn't
really able to make any progress
because i was so focused on this pain in
my back
and by the time the session ended i got
up off the chair
and and i did stretches and everything
on the chair and it didn't seem to go
away
but after the session i got up off the
chair and as soon as i got up
the pain was gone in a second in a split
second and i notiked it because i was
i had i had a guess that it might have
been my ego
and i wasn't sure and as soon as i got
up with the chair and the pain
disappeared i knew it was my ego
and so the ego manifested physically in
my body
as a way to distract me from doing the
inner work that i was doing
because the work that i was doing was
leading me to
dissolving a part of my identity and
raising my level of consciousness
so that's just an example of of how the
ego can step
in and can start to take control when it
feels threatened because
ultimately the ego wants control that's
what it wants it
loves control and so in biocybernaut
they tok about the five hindrances
their worry doubt drowsiness
distractability and aversion if you
notike these things
these things may be of your ego and so
the key again is awareness awareness
precedes all
change and so that's why i'm bringing
this video to you
not because there's a certain tool i'm
going to give you the only tool i can
give you is just to have awareness
about this so if you notike these things
showing up when you're trying to make
progress in your life when you're trying
to
make changes just notike is this of my
higher self
or is this of my ego trying to preserve
what is
trying to preserve the identity that i
have created or that i've held on to
so a word that we can use to help
describe this experience
where when we are making existential
changes in our life that are propelling
us forward
that would require us to dissolve a part
of our identity
we would call this ego backlash so if
you're making progress you're moving
forward
and then the ego wants to pull you back
so ego backlash would be a good term for
that to give you an analogy
about how the ego works the ego can be
sitting
in the driver's seat of the carriage
okay and the ego wants to go it wants to
go full throttle
yipi going with the horses let's gallop
and it wants to go fast it loves to be
in control and it's having a blast the
ego just
loves the thrill of that okay but
it doesn't see the ending
of the bridge okay where the bridge is
cut off and if it were to continue
it would fall to its death it doesn't
notike that
all it notikes is this is fun let's keep
going on i like to be in control
it loves instant gratification
it loves pleasure it's
more short-term thinking so what your
role is is that your higher self needs
to be sitting in that passenger seat
and your higher self needs to be aware
and needs to look ahead and say oh
this is of the ego the ego right now is
in control
and it's leading me down to my death
so i need to take the reins of this
carriage
and i need to turn this carriage around
and go uphill
and i will do that it takes it takes
self-control to do that
but i also have to antikipate that the
entire time that i'm doing that
the ego is going to be upset it's going
to be frustrating it's going to be a
little crybaby because it didn't get its
way and it lost control
so that's how the ego works okay and
unfortunately
for most of us who aren't dedicating our
lives to um
raising our consciousness and dissolving
the ego the ego is always going to be
part
of us it's always going to be there and
that's okay again the ego has a purpose
it's not like it's
the villain here but it's just
understanding the ego
doesn't necessarily care for what's in
your best interest
the ego just wants to preserve an
identity that was once created
okay and so you have to be able to have
the awareness of what is your higher
self
so the ego can be a wonderful member of
the committee
but it cannot be the chairman of the
board
that's where i want to leave you guys um
with this video
so just want you guys to to hear this
and just to get a new understanding
about what ego
is and just see how ego shows up in your
life
um you know one last just example for
you i'll give you
um when i was at biocybernaut doing this
neurofeedback training a huge process of
this
is is going into a high alpha brainwave
state
and from that brainwave state practike
the process of forgiveness
so it's a 14 step process because we all
have stuff
to forgive we have people to forgive and
most often
we have the most uh forgiveness to do on
ourselves
we have a lot that we need to give our
forgive ourselves for
and so that the idea is that once you
can work through all this forgiveness
all the stuff that's been stacking up
throughout your life that you think was
okay that you think that you dealt with
you think you let go but really there's
still a charge there
if you can deal with that you can clean
up your house
and now you're free you're liberated now
you're actually
able to to be your true self and to
raise your consciousness
because you're not chained down by all
of that stuff
so i was going through this process and
i had um
you know someone to forgive and i'm
usually you know
pretty good at forgiving because i
understand the power of forgiveness and
ultimately forgiveness is for us
you know it's not for the other person
it's to liberate us from the burden of
resentment
um but as i was going through this i
notiked how like
i just didn't want to fully forgive
like i would forgive logically i'm like
yeah i forgive you
and i would say it but emotionally there
was still a charge
because i wanted to like punish the
person i wanted the person to feel the
pain that i was feeling
for betraying me for hurting me so much
but i was able to have the awareness
that that was all the ego
that no matter how painful it felt no
matter how much i was in the right
to feel that pain didn't matter because
ultimately what's it all for why do i
have to suffer
why do i have to feel pain why do i have
to transfer that pain to someone else
and punish them
that's all the ego so i was able to
separate my higher self from the ego and
having met a perspective and see that
and see how my my ego was trying to
inflict this suffering on me and them to
hold on to something of the past
and so i was able to just let it all go
and just forgive
and truly forgive to the point where
there was no charge
i could think of that experience that
was so painful for me and not have a
charge
not have a tear roll down my face
because that's what true forgiveness is
so
that's just an example of how powerful
it is to have awareness
because once you have awareness you
can't go back
once you have awareness you you now
you've seen
the truth not just how things appear to
you but how things
really are because when we're stuck down
here
uh for us we're only seeing things how
they appear
from our perspective but oftentimes you
know
that you know there's there's many
different perspectives what about that
person's perspective or that person's
perspective
is there a way where i can see things
from everyone's perspective
maybe but at least i can try and step
outside of myself
and you can do that through awareness
so thank you guys for watching this
video i hope this helps you because
because the reason i make this is
because i know you guys are are building
your businesses wanting to
um but there's a lot of self-sabotage
and
you know years go by where you're not
making progress and
you know you can yeah you're busy yeah
you've got
uh maybe you don't have the money to do
it you have we have all of these things
these are all external reasons
uh that excuses that may be true but
they're all
part of the ego of why we're not able to
make the success that we want to make or
make the changes we want to make or do
whatever it is that we want to do
but deep down we have the power to
create what we want to create
as long as we can get outside of our get
out of our own way
and so just bringing awareness to that
so if you have any questions comment
down below for me if you like this video
give me a thumbs up it definitely does
help
to have my video reach more people if
you know someone who could benefit from
this please do share it with them
and if you're interested in learning
more about that experience i mentioned
uh alluded to about biocybernaut i have
a video about that on the youtube
channel
as well i'll link it down below in the
description box below
so i'll see you guys next time bye